Mothers, haircuts, & bravery

These are the three things I want to chat to you about today, Dear Reader. And for me, on the 09th of February 2018, they’re all related. Settle in and get comfy, because this post’s going to be a long one! Here we go…

I think I’ll begin with mothers.

Gee & Candice

My own mom, Geraldine (affectionately known as Gee, Ma, or Mommy), is probably one of the sweetest people you’ll meet. She’s super friendly, loves warm hugs, asks a ton of questions to stay in the loop, and is a big crier… Songs, movies, speeches, photos, videos - if it’s even a little bit sweet, soppy, or from-the-heart, she’s bound to shed a few tears. You’re guaranteed to get lots of hugs, kisses, and ‘I love you’s’ from my mom. She’s just a really soft soul with a big heart. She’s also a bit more on the conservative and traditional side, but that’s part of her charm.

Bagel’s mom, my mother-in-law, was quite different from my mom. Trish (affectionately known to us kids as Mother) was a tough cookie; I think I can count on one hand the number of times I saw her cry. Although she was very sweet and friendly, she wasn’t a big hugger. She was a very strong and proud woman who believed that a spot of ‘tough love’ was good for building character. She never pried, and yet I always found it so easy to open up to her. She was so feisty and always had words of encouragement to offer us. One of my favourite things about her was how she always encouraged me to take risks and stop caring what other people think. She made a massive impression on me from the moment I met her, and she impacted my life in a way that would change me forever.

I knew Trish was a very special person before I even met her. Bagel and I were on our second date when he mentioned her and mentioned that she was ill. Not wanting him to feel pressure to talk about something so personal so early on in our time together, I told him he didn’t have to chat about it if he wasn’t comfortable. I’ll never forget what he said in return:

‘It’s okay. I may as well tell you now because you’re just going to find out later when you meet her anyway.’

In that moment, I knew he was going to be an important person in my life. And I also got the first glimpse of how much this man loves his mother and how she’d shaped him into who he is. It was an incredible moment for me.

Trish & Eddy

Bagel explained that Trish had a very rare medical condition called mitochondrial neurogastrointestinal encephalopathy syndrome (MNGIE syndrome). They first realized she was ill when one of her eyelids began drooping. Doctors believe this condition may be genetic, but because she was adopted, there was no way she’d ever know.

Her condition worsened until she began losing her eyesight, she couldn’t move her eyes from side to side, she struggled to swallow and breathe, she couldn’t flex her fingers, and she had to wear a neck brace as she could no longer keep her neck upright.

Eventually, she underwent a stem cell transplant after which she regained her sight and strength, and her health improved drastically.

Unfortunately, she was later diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She spent the next few years undergoing several rounds of chemotherapy. This treatment would often cause the side-effects of her MNGIE syndrome to flare up again, but she soldiered on.

I met Trish on the 28th of March 2015. It was the day I got my first tattoo. After Bagel introduced me to his folks, the first thing she asked me was if she could see my tattoo. She was so enthusiastic and just genuinely interested in it and the meaning behind it; it was such a refreshing conversation. Though she was quite thin and shorter than I, her presence in that house was enormous. She made me feel welcome from that very first day, and I soon became a regular in the Van Eeckhoven home. Trish and I shared many precious and treasured moments together in the short time that I spent with her; and though I only had the privilege of spending about a year and nine months with her before she left us, it was an absolutely amazing and life-changing year and nine months.

This seems like a good point to chat about bravery and haircuts…

Last year, soon after Trish passed away, Bagel, his brother Marc, his sister Tammy, her husband Wayne, and myself decided to get tattoos celebrating this incredibly brave woman. We all got something different that we felt represented her and the beautiful person she was. I had my tattoo done just less than a week before what would’ve been her birthday.

This year, to celebrate her birthday and to honor her bravery throughout her battle with cancer, I decided to do something brave by cutting my (quite long) hair and donating it to CANSA so they can create a wig for someone who’s lost their hair while undergoing chemotherapy.

My first hair donation to CANSA back in 2014

I’ve donated my hair to CANSA before, but this time was different. Not only was I going to cut my hair way shorter than the first time back in 2014, but I was now donating my hair as someone whose life has been directly affected by cancer. I know Trish would’ve been so proud of me for doing this, and she would’ve been cheering me on and encouraging me to chop my hair off and embrace a huge change in my life instead of shying away from it.

Truth be told, I’ve wanted to try the pixie cut for a really long time. It’s a great style for round faces, and with all the amazing hair tutorials floating around on Pinterest, short hair can be anything but ‘boyish’ and ‘boring’! So, I chatted to Bagel about this idea for honoring Trish and once he was on-board (which was pretty much immediately), I called and made an appointment with my fabulous hair stylist, Robyn. She’s been cutting my hair since I was three years old. I’ve tried other stylists, but no one knows my hair like Robyn does… Not sure what I’m going to do without her once I join Bagel overseas; but that’s a worry for another day!

I washed my hair on Thursday, leaving it to dry on its own. That night, I applied an argan oil treatment all the way from my roots through to the tips, taking extra care to be gentle and massage the oil in thoroughly before plaiting my hair. On Friday morning, as I was getting ready to climb into the shower and do my last super-long-hair-wash, I loosened my plait and watched my hair fall down my back, standing on my tippy toes to see where it ended in the mirror above my basin. I let my hair dry on its own again, and before my mom and I headed over to Robyn’s, I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it across my face. I took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar fragrance of my conditioner, and I kissed my hair goodbye. I wanted to put as much love as I could into my hair so that whoever has it next feels nothing but love in it too.

So, my mom was kind enough to help me document what we’re calling ‘The Big Chop’. Here are some snaps of the magic unfolding. I'll add a few videos to my Instagram feed for you to check out as well…

My long locks before 'The Big Chop'

My long locks before 'The Big Chop'

All tied up and ready to chop

Halfway through the chopping process

The big reveal

Pixie cut - done!

My hair donation, all wrapped up and ready to go to CANSA

It feels so weird to touch my hair and not feel my long locks there anymore, but it also feels so light and free. I’m sure it’ll take me a few days to get used to styling my new ‘do, but I’m so thrilled that I was brave enough to try something new (and kinda scary), honor my beloved late mother-in-law, and support an amazing cause all at once.

Happy Birthday, Trish. I’ll love you forever!

What you think of my new cut? Let me know!

Take care!

C

xo