The Great Relocation… Part 5
A quick recap
Bagel and I had decided to continue our relationship long-distance until he could come home in December and we could figure out a way forward together. August and the first week or so of September were an exceptionally difficult time for me as my anxiety reached record highs and my depression took me to brand new lows. It had been about three years since my last therapy appointment, but I decided near the end of August that it was time for me to go back.
Like seeing an old friend
I managed to get an appointment with my therapist, Rachel, fairly soon after I’d decided to go back. Not much had changed since the last time I’d seen her; we were actually really happy to see each other when I arrived and she came down to meet me. It was sort of like reuniting with an old friend - comfortable, familiar, safe.
I caught her up on everything that had happened since we’d last seen each other. There was a whole helluva lot to tell her so, I gave her the ‘quick version’ with just the main highlights and low points; a bit like the ‘life events’ section of your Facebook profile, I guess. By the end of my little recap, our heads were spinning and we weren’t quite sure where to start. So, we decided to begin with the tasks at hand: managing my depression and anxiety, and helping me navigate my long-distance relationship. We’d tackle all the other big stuff later on, and I’ll unpack this in a later post.
My first session went well; we came up with some coping mechanisms and addressed how to begin dealing with some of the main problems I was having in terms of insecurity, trust issues, and my increasing anxiety. I felt much better, much safer, and more in control of my emotions.
Bagel noticed a huge improvement in me after that first session, which really is a testament to just how much the right therapist can help one navigate their mental illness(es). It was an all-round positive experience and I was looking forward to working through and processing the various events, feelings, and issues I’d discussed with Rachel over the next few months. I feel it’s important that I mention that therapy is not easy. It’s not lying on a couch and being asked about how things make you feel. It’s about opening your mind, heart, memories, and soul, and unpacking all the traumas, pain, and discomfort you’ve covered up or put away over years and years. It’s painful and exhausting, and things can get ugly. But once you make the brave decision to move forward with therapy and work through all of that, the end result is so incredibly worth it. And I was ready (terrified, but ready) to face my demons and unpack it all so I could get better.
Surprise
About a week after my return to therapy, the whole Van Eeckhoven family (except for Bagel, of course) got together for our weekly Friday night dinner. It was much like every other Friday night; we ate a little earlier than usual, but we spent the evening relaxing and watching some or other animation that Bagel’s niece, Iris, had picked out.
A little way into her movie, everybody but Bagel’s dad, his sister’s husband, Wayne, and myself seemed to disappear. I assumed they didn’t feel like watching the movie and that they wanted to sit outside and chat since it was a warm, springtime evening.
About halfway through Iris’s movie, everyone slowly started to come back inside, and then all of a sudden, the movie stopped working. I looked at Wayne with a bit of panic because Iris has been known to have a minor meltdown if her movies get switched off before they’ve finished (typical toddler stuff). But Wayne reassured her that he’d fix it.
‘If we can’t fix it, we can just watch this,’ he said.
And then, Lifehouse’s Hanging by a Moment began to play over the TV with a really sweet photo montage that Bagel had put together. As I watched the video and read the captions accompanying various photos of us, I started to tear up. At the end of the video, a caption popped up saying, ‘If I’ve timed this right, your phone should be ringing now…’. My phone started ringing, and it was Bagel FaceTiming me.
I answered the call, and he told me to go outside (followed by the whole family), and when I got out there, they’d set up balloons, flowers, candles, and rose petals for me. There was a package on the table that Bagel told me to open, and when I did, I found the most gorgeous ring inside. The family quietly went back inside while Bagel and I continued our call over FaceTime.
‘I wanted to do this differently, and this isn’t how I always thought I would do this, but here it goes,’ he said. ‘I wish I was with you to look through all the photos of the amazing times we’ve spent together so far, and all the awesome memories we’ve made. I know we’ve been through so much; some of the best and also the most difficult times of our lives. I love you so much and there’s no one in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with. So, Babe, will you marry me?’
Through tears, smiles, and laughter, I said ‘yes’. Over and over again!
The moment Bagel's video began to play.
An ugly cry.
The beautiful surprise setup outside.
Celebrating over FaceTime.
My happy face; still taking it all in.
Everyone watching me tear up.
Just before Bagel called me.
Finding my engagement ring.
Bagel, relieved it had all gone to plan!
The details
You may be wondering how Bagel managed to put the whole lovely surprise proposal together. And the answer is, he has a really awesome family who ran around behind the scenes and went over and above for us. His sister, Tammy, his brother, Marc, and Marc’s wife, Maggie, bought flowers, balloons, and candles. They hid these in their cars so I wouldn’t see them, and snuck out during Iris’s movie to set the scene for the big surprise. Wayne was in charge of making sure Bagel’s special photo montage was ready to play at the right moment, and he was also tasked with taking photos as the magic unfolded.
The ring
Bagel and I had spoken about engagement rings before; we’d been together for a while and the subject of marriage had come up. Initially, I loved the idea of a single (large) princess cut diamond set in rose gold. This seemed to be quite a popular style at the time according to what I was seeing on social media.
But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted something different. Bagel and I were going through something quite rough, but also quite romantic in being apart for so long and having to make things work despite the distance. The story of how we met might not be very interesting (thanks, Tinder!), but the story of how hard we had to work to stay together was something unique and special. I decided that, when the time came, I wanted an ‘out of the ordinary’ engagement ring. Nothing big or flashy, but something unusual.
Initially when I spoke to Bagel about it, I was inspired by Amanda Seyfried’s minimalist engagement ring which didn’t have a diamond at all. But Bagel wouldn’t have that; he insisted that an engagement ring should have a diamond, even if it’s a tiny one. So, I did a bit of research and sent him some images of designs I thought could work someday.
I’ve always been a huge fan of Lorean Jewellery’s work; their delicate, one of a kind creations and attention to detail are amazing. Bagel got in touch with Lorean via email and worked with him to design my gorgeous engagement ring from across the miles. Once my ring was ready for collection, Tammy drove all the way out to Pretoria to fetch it and bring it home in time for the big surprise.
My scattered diamonds engagement ring is set with light cognac, champagne, and silver colored diamonds in a delicate, 18 Carat rose gold band.
My gorgeous engagement ring. Photo by Lorean Jewellery.
A date for the big day
Bagel had already planned a trip home in December, and even though he wouldn’t be able to stay for very long (11 days to be exact), he said he didn’t want to head back to the USA with me still his fiancée. So, we decided to marry in December, which left me three months to plan a wedding. Yikes!
What next?
I got straight to work planning our wedding. It wasn’t easy, parts of it were fun, but for the most part, it was just incredibly stressful.
By the end of September, I was no longer freelancing for Your Family magazine. I’m exceptionally grateful that I wasn’t working full-time because that meant I could devote all my time to planning the wedding and focusing on my mental health and wellbeing. Those two things in themselves were a full-time job (and then some!).
Keep an eye out for Part 6 of this series to find out how the planning went, and to see some snaps of our special day. For now, if you have any questions about ‘The Great Relocation’ series so far, get in touch here or on the Candice Says Facebook page; I’d love to hear from you!
Take care,
C
x
Thumbnail image courtesy Photo by Slava Bowman on Unsplash.
