The Great Relocation… Part 6a

A quick recap

In September 2017, Bagel and I got engaged and I had about three months to plan our December wedding… Eek!

By October, I had submitted the last of my freelance articles to the magazine, and I was able to devote my time to planning the wedding and focusing on my mental health and wellbeing.

Here’s the thing…

Well, as much as I’d love to tell you that planning our wedding was the best, most romantic, and most exciting thing I’ve ever done, I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to you. And, dammit, I want to keep that promise and keep things real here… So, no, it wasn’t all those things. It was stressful, exhausting, and just plain difficult. For me, at least. If you’re someone who loved every minute of planning your wedding, and would do it all again in a heartbeat, then I’m really happy for you, but that just wasn’t me. Also, I take my hat off to everyone who’s planned a wedding while working a hectic full-time job; I can safely say that I wouldn’t have been able to do it in my state! More than once, I called Bagel in tears, asking him if we could just elope instead. But he would always calm me down, be the voice of reason, and help me make sense of it all so I could get back to it.

Between searching the internet high and low for options for venues, caterers, decorators, photographers, DJs, wedding dresses, hairstyles, flowers, and every other little aspect of the day, I was also dealing with the pressures of our long-distance relationship (including never being able to discuss or make wedding decisions together thanks to the time difference). I was also juggling my increasing anxiety and subsequent depression, and some other emotional traumas to boot.

During one of my (many) therapy sessions with Rachel, I remember expressing my frustrations about this, and she said something I’ll never forget:

‘You need to remember that it’s not about the wedding, it’s about your marriage. And those two things are not the same thing. Weddings are always a bit of a shit show and, more often than not, the couples who spend an exorbitant amount of money on their “perfect” weddings are the ones who end up here on my couch.’

That really put things into perspective for me. I’d dreamed of my wedding day for years and, just like every other bride-to-be, I wanted it to be perfect. But that’s just the thing; nothing ever is. It took me a long time, uncountable tears, a few anxiety attacks, and lots of help from Rachel to accept that. My acceptance of this fact didn’t suddenly turn wedding planning into an easy breezy piece of cake, but it helped me handle the many bumps in the road with a tiny bit more grace and fewer freak-outs.

Pearls of wisdom

As you know, this blog is all about opening up and sharing experiences so we can all learn from and help each other. So, here are some of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ re: planning a wedding; they may seem harsh, but I’m just calling it like I see it, cutting the crap, and getting down to brass tacks to help anyone reading this avoid the planning upsets I experienced.

1 Get comfortable with spread sheets, lists, and budgets

I know it doesn’t sound romantic or exciting, but it’s true; detailed lists will help you stay on top of things when it all gets overwhelming, and spread sheets and budgets help you keep track of your spending and planning process.

2 Trust no one

It sounds dramatic, but there’s truth to these words! When I say, ‘trust no one’, what I really mean is that it’s better to try handle as much of the wedding planning as you can manage yourself (especially if you like things ‘just so’). Event coordinators, friends, family, and service providers will tell you to relax and delegate, but only you know what you want the big day to look and feel like, so you need to be involved in each aspect to bring your dream wedding to life.

3 Put on your big girl panties, and take charge

I don’t deal well with conflict or standing up for myself. I’m always worried about hurting someone’s feelings or stepping on toes. So, when it came to dealing with service providers, I learnt a few lessons the hard way:

• Especially during the early planning stages where you’re gathering quotes and looking at all your options, don’t be scared to chase people up for quotes and feedback when you need it; you don’t have to be rude or nasty to people to be assertive and get things done, but you have to just get on with it too.
• If a service provider isn’t communicating well with you even from right at the beginning stage of planning, it’s probably best to look for someone else who will keep you in the loop and provide regular updates. There’s no need to add extra stress to the process by sticking with a service provider who doesn’t make you feel like a priority while you’re planning this big day… you’re the bride (or groom) and you’re paying for a service, after all!
• Be as hands-on as you can, and speak up when you’re not happy with something. For example, I shared our Pinterest boards with the company who handled our décor, I also drove to their show room and chose specific items that we wanted to use on our big day. However, when we did the mock set-up at the wedding venue a few weeks before the wedding, the centre pieces weren’t what we’d discussed and a few of the other decorative elements weren’t in line with what we’d discussed either. We ended up having to re-do the entire quoting and planning process, and the second draft of the quote was almost double what they’d originally estimated due to some costing errors on their end. So, I drove out to their show room again, sat with the coordinator, and went through the entire quote, line-by-line, until it was 110% correct. It was a painful process, but it saved us a lot of money and plenty of frustration down the line.

4 Set your wedding planners up for success

Once you’ve found the right service providers to help you bring the big day together, share as much detail as possible about what you’re looking for with them. Share your Pinterest boards with them, show them examples, print out a check list; whatever you can do to help them bring all the elements of the big day together as seamlessly and with as little headache as possible, do it!

For example, I shared a list of specific moments and photos that we really wanted to have captured by our photographer on the day with her. I also put together a spread sheet outlining our running order for the day in great detail. This went a long way in helping our photographer plan her process, and we knew for sure that the moments we most wanted to have captured, would be. She really appreciated us being organized and totally upfront about what we were looking for.

We also sent our DJ a detailed list of songs for our wedding, a playlist we were keen on for the reception, and our running order for the day. He ended up not using our playlist at the reception (I wasn’t thrilled about most of the music he played if I’m totally honest), but the big moments like my walk down the aisle, first dances, and send-off had the right soundtrack which was great.

5 Manage your expectations

Your wedding day is never going to be perfect. This is a helluva bitter pill to swallow, but swallow it, eat something sweet to kill the taste, and move forward. The sooner you’re able to accept that some things will go wrong, despite your fabulous planning, the better. If you can mentally prepare yourself for a ‘pretty close to perfect, but not quite perfect’ day, you can let go of all the stress and just enjoy your big day with an ‘it is what it is’ attitude. And hey, even if it’s not the ‘perfect’ day, when you’re marrying the person you love most in the whole wide world, it’s probably still the best day of your life!

And there you have it, folks. That’s my humble opinion and totally unsolicited advice on planning your wedding. I hope it helps; and if not, pop me a message and let's chat it out.

What next?

Keep your eyes peeled for Part 6b of ‘The Great Relocation’ where I’ll tell you all about Bagel’s much anticipated arrival back home for our big fat wedding day. Fun!

In the meantime, feel free to get in touch with me here or on the Candice Says Facebook page; I’d love to hear from you!

Take care,

C

x

Thumbnail image courtesy Photo by Slava Bowman on Unsplash.